Everything seems to be wonderful and sweet although we do have small arguments sometime but it is no big deal until one day his eyes keep looking at a girl when I'm sitting beside of him. Yes, it is whole day!Personally I don't think I'm a green eyed monster and I don't really care if he's looking at other girl when we are out to shopping mall or wherever there's a pretty girl walkby. Staring at a girl it is still acceptable as I don't really know her so I will complaint a while and then I will just says forget it.
I feel really embarassed and disturbed when a girl he stares at looking back at me. The girl must be thinking, why this guy with this gal keep staring at me. He has a girlfriend beside him. Maybe they start judging my outlook. This is only my thought and it may not be the same way they think of but this is how I feel. Anyway, I've overcome it as I read through a lot of articles that GUY can't stop themselves from looking at other girls that attract their eyes. It just registered to their brain to work this way. Haha... honestly, myself also looking at the pretty girls and what's wrong if he doing so? NO BIG DEAL!!!
BUT, what really makes MS M upset is that, he's staring a girl during a gathering for whole day. Yes, god damn whole day. I try to tell myself not to think too much and cannot be too sensitive on this. We are having talks and drinks on a round dining table with friends. I was seated beside him and the girl seated opposite us. His eyes never turn to me but only at her. When she walks away, she will keep looking at the door whereabout is her. Is this making any girls sick? I keep everything inside and stop myself from thinking about it but after few hours, I really can't do it anymore and leave the table. I run myself to the frontyard and trying to cool off myself there. After 10-15 minutes, he found me at last but I don't feel like talking or seeing him. I don't want to have any arguments or unhappy scene in front of so many people, so I just keep telling myself that I'm too sensitive. I followed him back to the dining area without saying much. After a while, he's asking me whether I want to see the dog then I answered why not. The girl she's staring at is there playing with the dog. His eyes again never go away from her!!! As usual, I chose to escape. I went in back to the house and he followed me. He bring me out for a ciggie break and a walk. He feel something is not right and he wants to know why I'm so upset that time but I never say a single word as I still think, I think I'm too sensitive.
So we have wonderful time playing at the frontyard, looking at the greens, chatting about everything. In the evening, I went to have my bath and after that, it is dinner time! Everything seems back to normal now until the girl she's looking at whole day re-emerge to the scene. His eyes staring at her no matter where she are!!!!!!!!!! For god sake, I don't want to have a glance at all how he's looking at her! I don't want to see! Furthermore, I don't think she's pretty or attractive!
After the dinner, we have a walk and talk about this issue. I no longer think the problem is on me but on him. I confronted him and he finally admitted it. He was drawn to her in a very natural way and when she talks, he feels like listening. I was so angry, upset and disappointing. I feel like is that I'm that ugly or my voice is that irritating!
Thinking over, WHY do I have to think that way! It's not worth to have this kind of feeling because of him. I will set him free to do whatever shit he wants but I will not lose my dignity because of him. I'm proud to be miss M and Mr J has been forgiven but I can never forget!
Life is short and I don't want to be unhappy anymore because of him! Not worth!
Love Diary
Ms M
